The list for June 16, 1994
The Top 20 Excuses for an Unexplained
Absence From Work
Absence From Work
- Couldn’t miss the Mega-sale at Ammo Attic.
- Warned not to go to work by LaToya Jackson’s Psychic Friends Network.
- Had to deliver 2 dozen fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches to Elvis.
- Head got stuck in giant PEZ dispenser.
- All-You-Can-Eat-Gristle night at the Sizzler.
- Exchanged car for worthless “magic” beans.
- You really don’t want me to describe how bad my ‘roids are, do you?
- Tired of seeing the same old dollar amount on every damn paycheck.
- David Hasselhoff pay-per-view special ran late.
- My daughter had a trifecta – I mean, an infection.
- There was a bomb on the bus and they couldn’t get below 50mph.
- Heard the grey whale was taken off the endangered species list and had to sharpen the ol’ harpoon!
- Concerns over North Korean nuclear threat totally bummed me out.
- Had a date with Tonya Harding, and she rocked my world plenty, if you know what I mean…
- I was having a boil lanced (Oops! That’s an unexplained *abscess*.)
- I was suckered into volunteering as Andorra’s ambassador to the U.N., and one of those stupid General Assemblymeetings came up unexpectedly.
- Wasted by a wicked burrito, dude.
- Taken hostage by crazed marching band members demanding new uniforms and a Rose Bowl appearance.
- Just not comfortable leaving the house with Mothra still on the loose.
And the Number 1 Excuse for an Unexplained Absence From Work…
- That killer virus ate half my face!!
.
CREDITS
Today’s list authors were:
- Joseph Funk, San Francisco, CA – 1, 15
- Greg Sherwin, Palo Alto, CA – 1, 12
- Chris Willis, Boston, MA – 1, 13
- Bill Burnett, Lexington, MA – 1
- LeMel Hebert-Williams, Alameda, CA – 2
- Scrivener John, San Jose, CA – 3, 10
- Bruce Ansley, Baltimore, MD – 4, 8
- Larry Baum, San Diego, CA – 5 (Rookie!)
- Sam Evans, Charleston, SC – 6
- Greg Bruno, San Diego, CA – 7
- Donna Tschetter, Saratoga Springs, NY – 9
- Elliott Schiff, Pittsburgh, PA – 10, 14
- Tony Hill, Minneapolis, MN – 11
- Tim Blankenbaker, Washington, DC – 16
- John Hering, Alexandria, VA – 17
- Roger P. Ciotti, Kenosha, WI – 18
- Ken Wilson, Kansas City, MO! – 19
- Mitch Patterson, Melbourne, FL – 20
- Chris White, San Diego, CA – Topic
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