Excerpts From a Prepper’s Dating Profile

The list for April 10, 2013
NOTE FROM CHRIS:
Preppers (AKA survivalists) are people who
hoard food and ammuntion while waiting for
the soon-to-come total collapse of the world
economy and the U.S. government slipping
into absolute anarchy, at which point it’s
going to be everyone for him/herself.

And of course, since nobody wants
to face the apocalypse alone, preppers
have their very own dating website!

The Top 17 Excerpts From
a Prepper’s Dating Profile

  1. "Looking for someone to share my life with… but not my 2500 cans of tuna."

  2. "You: field-strip an M-60 blindfolded in 60 seconds. Me: field-strip you blindfolded in 5."

  3. "My bunker has the ATF Seal of Disapproval"

  4. "Do you believe in Jesus, America, that Obama’s a muslim, that Donald Trump’s hair is real, Bush planned 9/11 and the moon landings were faked? Then I believe in YOU, baby!"

  5. "Must love dogs. Especially deep-fried."

  6. "Looking for a gal with the right caliber ammo to fit my antique WWII Browning M2 machine gun. P.S.: That’s not a euphemism."

  7. "DWM ISO SWF, HWP, NRA, WTR 2 MT ASAP"

  8. "Turn-ons: guns, canned meat, TRUE patriots. Turn-offs: pink or fluorescent camo, government programs, people who can’t eat with a knife, optimism, happiness."

  9. "Hurry! Armageddon horny over here!"

  10. "So I guess my mom’s basement is good enough for you now, ain’t it?!?"

  11. "Can pump out kids faster than a goat on meth."

  12. "I’m getting kinda tired of drinking my own urine alone."

  13. "Likes: long walks around the compound, nuclear sunsets, roadkill stew, raging paranoia. Must find incoherent manifestos and anti-tyranny rants arousing."

  14. "Have bunker with moat, drawbridge, and alligators to defend our marriage against gays."

  15. "Not if I were the last man in the world? Hey, why wait? Let’s find out now!"

  16. "Ladies, I know 27 ways to pleasure you using only a chipmunk skull."
And the Number 1 Excerpt From a Prepper’s Dating Profile…

  1. "Please be chubby and well-marbled."
.
CREDITS
Selected from 88 submissions from 32 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:

  • Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 1 (113th #1)
  • Donald Johnson, Cincinnati, OH — 2, 5
  • J.J. Gertler, Alexandria, VA — 3
  • Curtis Stoddard, Cedar Hills, UT — 3
  • Roy Skogstrom, Pepeekeo, HI — 4, 7, 9 (Hat trick!)
  • Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ — 5, 13
  • Shaune R. Stark, Cedar Park, TX — 5
  • Doug Finney, Houston, TX — 6
  • John J. Brassil, Nashville, TN — 8
  • Adela Branson, Soda Springs, ID — 10
  • Tom Stoudt, Fort Washington, PA — 10
  • Nathan C. Sherman, Bellevue, WA — 11, 16
  • Kim Moser, New York, NY — 12
  • SarahJayne Bennett, London, England — 14
  • Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA — 15
  • Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA — 17
  • Randy Pan, Sulphur, LA — Banner Tag
  • Chris White, Olympia, WA — List owner/editor
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