The list for February 13, 1997
The Top 16 Euphemisms for Masturbation

  1. Lap-based Web browsing

  2. Gettin’ some air nookie

  3. Wrangling the invertebrate serpent

  4. Tango Con Mano

  5. Jostling your Elder

  6. Ruminating & Pondering

  7. Shaking your fist at the ex-girlfriend

  8. Releasing the hostages

  9. Tickling your Elmo

  10. Fixing the Hubble

  11. Putting the seminal luge team through their paces

  12. Carnal Tunnel Syndrome

  13. Beta-testing the hardware

  14. Downloading from your own website

  15. Evicting the testicular squatters
And the Number 1 Euphemism for Masturbation…

  1. Manually Increasing the Surface Temperature of the Ship’s Primary Cannon by Repeated Linear Manipulation
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CREDITS
Selected from 148 submissions from 52 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:

  • Jeffrey House, Detroit, MI — 1
  • Caroline Gennity, Virginia Beach, VA — 2
  • Ed Smith, Chattanooga, TN — 3
  • Lloyd Jacobson, Washington, DC — 4
  • Lee Oeth, San Diego, CA — 5
  • Caroline Gennity, Virginia Beach, VA — 6
  • David W. James, Los Angeles, CA — 7
  • David W. James, Los Angeles, CA — 8
  • Patrick Douglas Crispen, Univ of Alabama — 8
  • Marc Cukier, Toronto, Canada — 8
  • David G. Scott, Kansas City, MO — 8
  • Patrick New, Chicago, IL — 9
  • Christopher Troise, New York, NY — 9
  • Kris Johnson, Burbank, CA — 10
  • R.M. Weiner, Brighton, MA — 11, Topic
  • Barbara McMahon, Ann Arbor, MI — 12
  • Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 12
  • Kermit Woodall, Richmond, VA — 12
  • Tony Hill, Minneapolis, MN — 12
  • Paul Paternoster, Redwood City, CA — 13
  • Bruce Ansley, Baltimore, MD — 14
  • Doug Johnson, Santa Cruz, CA — 15
  • Lee Oeth, San Diego, CA — 16
  • John Voigt, Chicago, IL — Topic
  • Chris White, New York, NY — Listmeister
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