Effects of the Southern Baptists’ Boycott of Disney

The list for June 18, 1996
The Top 17 Effects of the Southern
Baptists’ Boycott of Disney

  1. Children in deep south begin mass conversion to Judaism.

  2. Disney moves forward with plans to release X-rated version of “Bedknobs and Broomsticks.”

  3. Record summer crowds for nudie bars on Bourbon Street.

  4. Parade members can now dance without that awful guilty feeling.

  5. Plans announced for BaptistLand, “The Happiest Straight Place on Earth.”

  6. Athletes now heard saying, “I’m going to Disneyland, and then to Hell!”

  7. Disneyland courts atheists with new slogan: “The closest place to heaven *you’ll* ever see.”

  8. Finally, Goofy can reveal his true sexual orientation — and gender!

  9. Disney employees asked to refrain from saying “Our Lord” in public, unless specifically referring to Michael Eisner.

  10. Reduced pressure to put pants on Donald Duck.

  11. Neighborhood “working girls” can no longer count on generous tips from visiting televangelists.

  12. Crowds at DollyWood soar into the dozens.

  13. Baptists now must visit Disney World in same disguise they wear to the liquor store.

  14. Hellfire and animation!

  15. No lines whatsover at “It’s a Small Small Mind.”

  16. Chip & Dale land on the cover of Out magazine.
And the Number 1 Effect of the Southern Baptists’ Boycott of Disney…

  1. Absolutely nothing!
.
CREDITS
Selected from 97 submissions by 34 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:

  • Dave George, Arlington, VA — 1
  • Bruce Ansley, Baltimore, MD — 2, Topic (Hall of Famer)
  • Caroline Gennity, Queens, NY — 2
  • Kermit Woodall, Richmond, VA — 2
  • Alan Wagner, Bayside, WI — 2
  • Blair Bostick, whereabouts unknown — 3 (Rookie!)
  • Mick McLean, Laramie, WY — 4 (Rookie!)
  • Sam Evans, Charleston, SC — 5 (Hall of Famer)
  • Ed Brooksbank, Sacramento, CA — 6
  • Steve Hurd, San Ramon, CA — 7
  • Sterling Smith, Houston, TX — 8
  • Pete Brittingham, Titusville, NJ — 8
  • Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA — 9
  • Sharon Silva, Clarksville, TN — 10
  • Meredith Ogden, Ithaca, NY — 11
  • Chris McKenna, Malibu, CA — 12, 17
  • Alan Smithee, Sugar Land, TX — 13
  • Ric Belding, Brea, CA — 14
  • Jesse Guidry, New Orleans, LA — 15
  • Greg Sherwin, Palo Alto, CA — 16
  • Gloria Monti, New York, NY — Topic (Rookie!)
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