Differences If the Special Prosecutor Were RINGO Starr

The list for April 3, 1998

The Top 15 Differences If the Special
Prosecutor Were RINGO Starr

All charges dropped after grand jury concludes, “She loves you, and you know that can’t be bad.”
Courthouse overflowing with shrieking 50-something women with heavy eyeliner and cat glasses.
Finally, someone the President can share a bong with.
Years on the case and $40 million down the drain, and he still can’t prove whether Paul is dead.
He gets by with a little help from his sleazeball scum-sucking ambulance-chasing lawyer friends.
Calling for order involves an elaborate “gavel solo.”
If you play Linda Tripp’s tapes backwards, you hear, “I buried Vince Foster.”
Pete Best shows up on every Sunday morning talk show whining about how he could do a better job.
Nobody seems to want to listen to the secret recordings made by Yoko.
Hillary dismisses the accusations as part of a “vast Blue Meanie conspiracy.”
Sexual harassment and adultery: Who cares?
Playing Fleetwood Mac at the Democratic convention: Impeach him!
Linda Tripp suddenly ceases to be the butt-ugliest person involved in the scandal.
Ringo Starr: “Ludwig” refers to brand of drums.
Ken Starr: “Ludwig” refers to business trip to Berlin a few years ago, the memory of which causes frequent nightmares about his *own* past being investigated.
Giggles uncontrollably whenever he hears Kathleen Willey’s last name.

And the Number 1 Difference If the Special Prosecutor Were RINGO Starr…

No difference whatsoever — They’re *both* trying to get the public to buy tapes that suck.

CREDITS

Selected from 103 submissions from 39 contributors.

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