The list for January 22, 1997
NOTE FROM CHRIS:
NOTE FOR THE TALK-SHOW IMPAIRED
There is a current best-selling book called, “The Rules:
Time-tested Secrets for Captivating the Heart of Mr. Right”
The synopsis: “A simple set of dos and don’ts… [to] lead you
to where you want to be: in a healthy, committed relationship…
Whether you’re 18 or 80, a beauty queen or a woman
with ordinary looks, THE RULES will work for you.”
This book contains gems of dating advice such as:
“Don’t accept a Saturday night date after Wednesday.”
However, we here at Top Five think they’ve forgotten a few items…
There is a current best-selling book called, “The Rules:
Time-tested Secrets for Captivating the Heart of Mr. Right”
The synopsis: “A simple set of dos and don’ts… [to] lead you
to where you want to be: in a healthy, committed relationship…
Whether you’re 18 or 80, a beauty queen or a woman
with ordinary looks, THE RULES will work for you.”
This book contains gems of dating advice such as:
“Don’t accept a Saturday night date after Wednesday.”
However, we here at Top Five think they’ve forgotten a few items…
The Top 16 Dating Tips Omitted
From The Rules
From The Rules
- Accessorize your wardrobe with meat or cheese.
- Show him your family is important to you by taking him to visit your mom in prison.
- Never fake an orgasm before actually having sex.
- Remember the motel room number, on the off chance he later gets elected president.
- Stare at his crotch and laugh. Guys dig that.
- Don’t forget to ask if he has a better-looking, wealthier brother.
- Don’t talk to a man first. Plenty of time for that after busting the bedsprings.
- Avoid snorting milk through your nostrils until after the second date.
- Struck by an original thought? Isolate it and annihilate it!
- For an unforgettable first date, let him watch as you bleach your upper lip.
- Always refuse to ride in the trunk, even in a Jaguar.
- Surprise him by shaving his name into your leg hair.
- Tell him you’re bisexual… his predictable fantasy of wanting to see you with another woman will keep him attentive for the next few years.
- Always leave something on your plate, even if you have to bring it back up.
- Remember: “No diamond, no hymen!”
And the Number 1 Dating Tip Omitted From The Rules…
- If he shows up for the first date in his Starfleet uniform, pepper-spray him.
.
CREDITS
Selected from 121 submissions from 42 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- David W. James, Los Angeles, CA — 1 (6th #1)
- Bruce Ansley, Baltimore, MD — 2, Topic
- Paul Seaburn, Houston, TX — 3
- Jennifer Ritzinger, Seattle, WA — 4
- Marianne Tatom, Austin, TX — 5
- David W. James, Los Angeles, CA — 6
- Jennifer Hart, Arlington, VA — 7
- Caroline Gennity, Virginia Beach, VA — 8
- Marsha Clodfelter, Corpus Christi, TX — 9
- Doug Johnson, Santa Cruz, CA — 10
- Marshal Perlman, Minneapolis, MN — 11
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 12
- Ken Shinodo, Keizer, OR — 13
- Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA — 14
- Mitch Patterson, Atlanta, GA — 15
- Craig Stacey, St. Paul, MN — 16
- Meredith Ogden, Ithaca, NY — Topic
- Chris White, New York, NY — Listmeister
T5012297
