The list for November 3, 1997
The Top 16 Complaints of
Modern Day Werewolves
Modern Day Werewolves
- In a steamy shower, bottle of Nair looks just like bottle of shampoo.
- Obnoxious frat guys attempt to ruffle you with a different type of “full moon.”
- Jason Bateman’s portrayal not quite as sympathetic as Michael J. Fox’s.
- Constant wet-dog smell on your car’s upholstery.
- Most people get all freaked out by a friendly get-acquainted crotch-sniff.
- Confused PETA zealots and their red spray paint attacks.
- Constant marking of territory required to keep Ed Asner and Robin Williams at bay.
- Is that Martha Stewart anal or what?!
- Latest Cosmo poll says back hair STILL a big turnoff.
- Routine ass kickings from neighborhood pit bull.
- Having to bail Zevon out of the drunk tank twice a week.
- Can’t stop for a leisurely tongue bath without drawing an envious crowd.
- Chicks don’t dig human-carnage breath.
- The grating way Barbara Walters pronounces your name.
- Between gangs, British nannies and O.J., nobody gives a rat’s ass about a hair-covered snarling killer anymore.
And the Number 1 Complaint of Modern Day Werewolves…
- Just can’t get the goatee to look right.
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CREDITS
Selected from 118 submissions from 41 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Tony Hill, Minneapolis, MN — 1 (13th #1)
- Neil Schwartzman, Montreal, Quebec — 2
- David Hyatt, New York, NY — 3, 14
- Tom Louderback, Boston, MA — 4
- Caroline Gennity, Virginia Beach, VA — 5
- Mitch Patterson, Atlanta, GA — 5, 12, 13 (Hat Trick!)
- Peter Bauer, Rochester, NY — 6
- Alexander Clemens, San Francisco, CA — 7
- Jeff Downey, Raleigh, NC — 7
- Chris Gleason, Germantown, MD — 8
- Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL — 9
- Bruce Ansley, Baltimore, MD — 10
- David Kass, Brooklyn, NY — 11
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 11
- Geoff Brown, Farmington Hills, MI — 15
- Gene Markins-Dieden, New Haven, CT — 15
- Don Swain, Pontiac, MI — 16
- Dave Henry, Slidell, LA — Banner Tag
- Glenn Marcus, Washington, DC — Runner Up list name
- Bob Seger, Detroit, MI — Ambience
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