The list for January 2, 1997
NOTE FROM CHRIS:
I’d like to take a second to thank all of you for
making 1996 a gigantic year for Top Five. We now
have more than 15,000 subscribers on the mailing list,
our website is growing more popular every day, and
we have our very own page in a magazine with a
subscription base of nearly half a million readers!
Here’s wishing everyone a happy and prosperous 1997.
I’ll start off the new year with my lone resolution:
To waste as much of corporate America’s time as possible.
making 1996 a gigantic year for Top Five. We now
have more than 15,000 subscribers on the mailing list,
our website is growing more popular every day, and
we have our very own page in a magazine with a
subscription base of nearly half a million readers!
Here’s wishing everyone a happy and prosperous 1997.
I’ll start off the new year with my lone resolution:
To waste as much of corporate America’s time as possible.
The Top 12 Celebrity New Year’s Resolutions
- O.J. Simpson: “Get Tiger Woods to help me look for the real killer. Hit him up for some putting tips.”
- Tom Cruise: “I resolve to ignore the strong urges and not leave Nicole for Rosie O’Donnell.”
- Don King: “Quit dusting ceilings for free, accidental or otherwise.”
- President of Mattel: “Implement new marketing strategy – introduce ‘Cabbage Patch Obsessive-Compulsive Hair-Eating Disorder’ doll.”
- Elvis: “Fire my agent — that comeback plan of surprise appearances at K-Marts across the country just ain’t working.”
- Madonna: “First, wean the baby. Next, wean the father. Then, stop using breast pump just for kicks.”
- Kathie Lee Gifford: “Burn that video tape of Cody sweeping up at the shop.”
- Richard Simmons: “Fewer binges, more purges.”
- Angela Lansbury: “Increase ratings by having my TV show character finally come out of the closet.”
- Ted Kaczyinski: “My resolution is currently in the mail en route to Top 5 List headquarters.”
- Micheal Jackson: “Forget ‘biege’ — I’m shooting for ‘eggshell’ this year!”
And the Number 1 Celebrity New Year’s Resolution…
- RuPaul: “Time to tell the whole wide world about me and Pat Buchanan.”
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CREDITS
Selected from 58 submissions from 23 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA — 1 (3rd #1)
- Sam Evans, Charleston, SC — 2
- Robert Mader, Knoxville, TN — 3
- Rob Seulowitz, New York, NY — 4
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 5
- Spike Jones, Atlanta, GA — 6
- Michael Wolf, Brookline, MA — 7
- Tony Hill, Minneapolis, MN — 7, 12
- Bruce Ansley, Baltimore, MD — 8
- Matt Diamond, Holland, PA — 8
- Peg Warner, Derry, NH — 9
- David W. James, Los Angeles, CA — 10
- Jennifer Ritzinger, Seattle, WA — 11
- Bruce Ansley, Baltimore, MD — Topic
- Marianne Tatom, Dallas, TX — Chris’ resolution
T5010297