The list for September 20, 1996
The Top 18 Anti-Drug Slogans
Almost Used by Bob Dole

  1. Drugs Are For Candy-Ass, Mealy-Mouthed, No-Good Liberals

  2. Who Needs Magic Mushrooms When You’ve Got The Libmeistress?

  3. I Knew Timothy Leary, And No Amount Of Drug Use Will Make You Timothy Leary

  4. No Drugs – Oxygen In Use

  5. Just Don’t Do It, But If You Do, Call Robert Downey, Jr. And Do It Right

  6. Cigarettes & Booze; Good Enough For Bob Dole, And Good Enough For You

  7. If you even *think* about doing drugs, young man, I’m going to call your mother and we’ll see what SHE has to say about it.

  8. Lick Me All Over, But Not If I’m Covered With Drugs

  9. HEY, You Kids! Don’t Smoke That Crap On My Lawn!

  10. Look At Me, I’m High On Vapo-Rub!

  11. If You’re Drug-Free And You Know It, Clap Your Hands

  12. Oh For Christ’s Sake, Knock It Off!

  13. Keep It Up, Pot-Head, And We’ll See Who Laughs Last

  14. If You Take Drugs, I’ll Jab You With This Pen

  15. This is the Top Five editor. These are his lists for the past two weeks. Any questions?

  16. Kids Who Smoke Hemp Aren’t Down With Dole/Kemp

  17. Heroin: The Other White Meat
And the Number 1 Anti-Drug Slogan Almost Used by Bob Dole…

  1. Don’t even get high on *LIFE*, and while we’re at it, don’t masturbate, either, ya filthy little punks!
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CREDITS
Selected from a healthy 180 contributions from 51 drug-free contributors.
Today’s list authors were:

  • Caroline Gennity, Virginia Beach, VA — 1 (7th #1)
  • George Olson, Colorado Springs, CO — 2
  • Gene/Cynthia Markins-Dieden, New Haven, CT — 3
  • Paul Paternoster, Redwood City, CA — 3
  • Mitch Patterson, Melbourne, FL — 3
  • David E. Spiro, Tucson, AZ — 4
  • Bruce Ansley, Baltimore, MD — 5
  • Lee Oeth, San Diego, CA — 6
  • Duncan Carling, San Francisco, CA — 7
  • David Hyatt, New York, NY — 8
  • Meredith Ogden, Ithaca, NY — 9
  • Blair Bostick, Alexandria, VA — 10
  • Jeffrey House, Detroit, MI — 11
  • Jeff Downey, Raleigh, NC — 12
  • Ed Brooksbank, Sacramento, CA — 13
  • Jennifer Ritzinger, Seattle, WA — 14
  • Paul Lara, Temple, TX — 15
  • Steve Hurd, San Ramon, CA — 16
  • Dee Anne Phillips, Shreveport, LA — 17
  • Rebecca Smith, Dallas, TX — 18
  • Chris White, NY, NY — Topic, Listmeister
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