Ways the COVID Crisis Is Impacting Pro Sports

The list for August 7, 2020
The coronavirus pandemic continues to wreak havoc.
Even the sports landscape is different these days.
The Top 18 Ways the COVID Crisis
Is Impacting Pro Sports

  1. Football huddles are now twenty-five feet wide.

  2. Hockey players are removing their remaining teeth to ensure snug mask fits.

  3. Extra chlorine in the pools means the entire Olympic swim team’s drapes match their carpets.

  4. In order to comply with social distancing requirements, both of the Bengals’ fans will wear masks and sit on opposite sides of the stadium.

  5. All golfers now required to wash their own balls.

  6. MLB players now sigh in relief when "you tested positive" is followed by "for steroids."

  7. NFL replaces tackling with paintball guns.

  8. With fouls called whenever anyone gets within six feet of the shooter, all NBA players get to enjoy the true Steph Curry experience.

  9. Baserunners resort to sneezing to break up a double-play.

  10. With no fans in the stadium, Cleveland Browns players have to throw snowballs at each other.

  11. Hockey goalies now wearing N95 masks.

  12. Butt-slaps only allowed with league-approved gloves, which must be discarded after each slap.

  13. Bill Bellichek and Tom Brady now just cheating on their taxes.

  14. Loss of smell a godsend for MMA fighters.

  15. Super slo-mo "Droplet Cam" pinpoints the exact moment of transmission.

  16. MLB upgrades spitballs to felony assault.

  17. With no sports to gamble on, Pete Rose pretty much lives in a Bingo parlor.
And the Number 1 Way the COVID Crisis Is Impacting Pro Sports…

  1. Denver’s NFL team changes name to the Bronchodilators.

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Selected from 88 submissions from 31 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:

  • Roy Skogstrom, Pepeekeo, HI — 1, 8 (19th #1)
  • Greg Preece, Toronto, Canada — 2, 6
  • Rex Meredith, Palm Springs, CA — 3
  • Larry Hollister, Concord, CA — 3, 13
  • Nathan C. Sherman, Bellevue, WA — 3, 16
  • Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY — 4
  • Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA — 5
  • Richie Ruben, Hackensack, NJ — 5
  • Michael Whitmire, Houston, TX — 7
  • Donald Johnson, Cincinnati, OH — 8
  • Paul Wiley, Westtown, NY — 9
  • Dawson Rambo, Santa Rosa, CA — 10
  • Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH — 11
  • Elliott Schiff, Allentown, PA — 12
  • Tom Stoudt, Fort Washington, PA — 12
  • Jill Gallagher, Seattle, WA — 14
  • Lori Petterson, Fairfax, VA — 15
  • Bruce W. Alter, Fairfax Station, VA — 17
  • Reid Kerr, Sugartit, KY — 18
  • Chris White, Olympia, WA — List moderator

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