Signs You’re Being Stalked by a Top5 Contributor

by | Oct 2, 1997 | Uncategorized | 0 comments

The list for October 2, 1997
The Top 15 Signs You’re Being
Stalked by a Top5 Contributor

  1. You come home to find your Pauly Shore video library completely destroyed.

  2. No matter what the topic, each list contains a reference to that birthmark on your thigh.

  3. When he finds out your name is "Misty Rivera", he laughs so hard that he wets himself.

  4. Telltale Hushpuppy footprints on your lawn.

  5. "Top 5 Reasons I’ll Love You Until One of Us Dies" scratched in car’s paint with a key.

  6. Cryptic death threat letter also contains an ad for "Windows Sources."

  7. Junior insists there’s a "desperate loser" outside in the bushes but your husband left for work an hour ago.

  8. Every "dozen" roses you receive actually contains 15 or 16.

  9. You keep seeing some dude with "Chris White is Satan" carved into his forehead.

  10. Cheese on your mailbox, cheese on the car seat, cheese everywhere!

  11. An eerie yet geeky voice behind you mutters, "Two words: beautiful skin."

  12. For no reason, you start to receive "Shame on you!" letters from Girl Scout leaders.

  13. He’s insanely jealous of all the other Top5 contributors you’re dating.

  14. Everywhere you go, there’s the lingering aroma of tofu burritos & Hai Karate.
And the Number 1 Sign You’re Being Stalked by a Top5 Contributor…

  1. Yesterday’s topic? "Top 5 Ways to Circumvent a Restraining Order"
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CREDITS
Selected from 87 submissions from 31 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:

  • John Voigt, Chicago, IL — 1 (11th #1)
  • Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA — 2, 12
  • Steve Hurd, San Ramon, CA — 2
  • Kevin Freels, Sun Valley, CA — 3
  • David W. James, Los Angeles, CA — 4, 10, 15 (Hat trick!)
  • Marsha Clodfelter, Corpus Christi, TX — 4, 8
  • David Kass, Brooklyn, NY — 4, Topic
  • Paul Paternoster, Redwood City, CA — 5
  • Mark Schmidt, Santa Cruz, CA — 6
  • Randy Wohl, Ma’ale Adumim, Israel — 7
  • Gail Celio, Athens, GA — 8
  • Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA — 8, 11
  • Phil Doyle, Mercer Island, WA — 8
  • Jeff Downey, Raleigh, NC — 9
  • Troy Roberson, Birmingham, AL — 10
  • Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 11
  • Greg Sadosuk, Fairfax, VA — 13, Banner Tag
  • Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY — 14
  • Chris White, New York, NY — Owner/editor
  • Talking Heads, New York, NY — Ambience
T5100297