The list for September 30, 1996
The Top 14 Tips for Surviving College
- Minimize food budget by scheduling classes around Happy Hour.
- Enjoy being a Sophomore — It will be the best three years of your life.
- Wear an athletic cup to panty raids, because it’s all fun and games until someone loses their ‘nads.
- Lemon juice and baking soda make an excellent bong water stain remover.
- Earn extra cash by parlaying chemistry knowledge into lucrative “home pharmaceuticals” business.
- If an 8:00 am class is required for your major, change your major.
- Boring lecture? Start a wave!
- College-level algebra: 5 returnable bottles = 1 delicious Ramen Noodle dinner.
- “I Phelta Thi” is *not* a real fraternity, except at state colleges.
- Remember – almost no one complains when you puke in a dumpster.
- Clever margin manipulation can turn a 4-page outline into a 100-page senior essay.
- Football games were never meant to be observed by sober people.
- Don’t think of it as sleeping with your professor — think of it as “acing Biology.”
And the Number 1 Tip for Surviving College…
- In a pinch, milk can be used as a beer substitute in your breakfast cereal.
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CREDITS
Selected from a handful of submissions by a scant number of contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Paul Paternoster, Redwood City, CA — 1, 12 (5th #1)
- Caroline Gennity, Virginia Beach, VA — 2, 7, 10, 14
- Jennifer Ritzinger, Seattle, WA — 3
- Alan Smithee, Sugar Land, TX — 3
- David Hyatt, New York, NY — 4, 9
- David G. Scott, Kansas City, MO — 5
- Kim Moser, New York, NY — 6
- Greg Sadosuk, Fairfax, VA — 7, Topic
- Jeff Downey, Raleigh, NC — 7, 13
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 8, 11
- Gloria Monti, New York, NY — Department of Academic Verification
- Chris White, NY, NY — Listmeister
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