The list for September 25, 1996
The Top 17 Signs You’re at
a Bad Renaissance Festival
a Bad Renaissance Festival
- The castle and village are made entirely of Legos.
- Turkey leg bears striking resemblance to cocker spaniel leg.
- Festival activities include "Ye Olde Wet T-Shirt Contest."
- Eight-minute drum solo in the middle of Greensleeves.
- "Belly up to the bar, me lad, for some grilled mahi-mahi and fresh California roll!"
- Ye Old Glassblower makes nothing but crack pipes.
- The mead is served in a coconut shell with a Fizzy straw.
- Everyone seems to have attended the Kevin Costner School of British Accents.
- Mosh pit follows the wandering minstrels.
- You get charged 5 bucks to take a leak behind Ye Olde Hedge.
- Guillotine exhibit closed due to pending litigation.
- Friar Tuck’s pager keeps going off.
- Featured event: Johnson-Jousting!
- Disgusting Ogre is merely an unshaved Marlon Brando.
- "Tarry, wench, I prithee! Wouldst thou Macarena?"
- Merlin the Magician’s only trick is "Got your nose!"
And the Number 1 Sign You’re at a Bad Renaissance Festival…
- Jousting Crips and Bloods.
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CREDITS
Selected from 141 submissions by 40 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- John Voigt, Chicago, IL — 1, 13
- Lloyd Jacobson, Washington, DC — 1 (1st #1!)
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 2 (Rookie!)
- Matt Diamond, Holland, PA — 3
- Stephen Pace, Houston, TX — 4
- Kim Moser, New York, NY — 5
- David G. Scott, Kansas City, MO — 6
- Paul Paternoster, Redwood City, CA — 7
- Jennifer Hart, Arlington, VA — 8
- Craig Stacey, St. Paul, MN — 9
- Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA — 10
- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA — 11
- Marshal Perlman, Minneapolis, MN — 12, Topic
- George Olson, Colorado Springs, CO — 14
- Jeff Downey, Raleigh, NC — 15
- Greg Pettit, Houston, TX — 16
- Glenn Marcus, Washington, DC — 17
- Chris White, NY, NY — Listmeister
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