The list for August 11, 1997
The Top 15 Signs That Microsoft
Owns Part of Apple
Owns Part of Apple
- Apple’s stock fell only 25% last week.
- Bill Gates’s birthday now a paid holiday for Apple employees.
- Default Mac startup sound changed to “Taps.”
- Wall Street brokers have stopped using Apple stock certificates as toilet paper.
- Apple’s new slogan: “Almost as good as Windows!”
- Apple has been bent over with its pants dropped for so long now, even a geek like Bill Gates was bound to get lucky.
- Cute rainbow-colored apple now inhabited by cute rainbow-colored worm.
- Microsoft comes out with an operating system incorporating Mac technology… uh, wait a minute…
- Phone and utilities mysteriously start working again at Apple’s corporate HQ.
- Steve Jobs seen tending bar at the Gates’ private lawn party.
- Diners in Microsoft’s staff cafeteria can now enjoy their apple pie purely for its wholesome goodness and no longer as a symbolic act of global domination.
- Unsold Newtons used as cobblestones in Gates’s driveway.
- Apple Employee of the Month gets to hunt loose change at Bill’s house.
- New Apple employee dress code includes large “Property of B. Gates” tattoo on ass.
And the Number 1 Sign That Microsoft Owns Part of Apple…
- Bill Gates still burned in effigy, but upper management no longer attends.
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CREDITS
Selected from 149 submissions from 52 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Greg Sadosuk, Fairfax, VA — 1, 3 (3rd #1)
- Caroline Gennity, Virginia Beach, VA — 2
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 4
- David Kass, Brooklyn, NY — 5, 8
- Jim Key, Garland, TX — 6
- Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA — 7
- Peg Warner, Derry, NH — 9
- Dan Signer, Studio City, CA — 9 (Rookie!)
- Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA — 10
- Ed Brooksbank, Sacramento, CA — 11
- Bruce Ansley, Baltimore, MD — 12
- Steve Maybo, Carlsbad, CA — 13
- Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA — 14
- Matt Loiselle, Detroit, MI — 15
- John Voigt, Chicago, IL — Banner tag
- Peter Thompson, Sheffield, England — Topic
- The Beatles, London, England — Ambience
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