DOs and DON’Ts of Using PPE

The list for June 10, 2020
The Top 16 DOs and DON’Ts of Using PPE

  1. DON’T: Wear a white mask after Labor Day.

  2. DO: Ask your partner to wear a HAZMAT suit while making love.

  3. DON’T: Wear fishnet stockings for a facemask.

  4. DO: Wear a Jar Jar Binks Halloween mask to provide protection from all social contact.

  5. DON’T: Offer your thong to a fellow maskless Walmart shopper.

  6. DO: Wear a grocery bag over her head like your dates make you wear in bed.

  7. DON’T: Use an N95 mask as a diaphragm.

  8. DO: Do a Darth Vader impersonation while wearing a mask to lighten the mood and impress everyone with your unique creativity.

  9. DON’T: Use an AR-15 instead of a mask, you jackass.

  10. DO: Clean the inside of your face shield after every 10th sneeze.

  11. DON’T: Wear a white hood or sheet for protection.

  12. DO: Change gloves between prostate exam patients.

  13. DON’T: Lick the… you know what? Don’t lick *anything* for the next 5 years.

  14. DO: Be a gentleman and remove your mask to give to a lady.

  15. DON’T: Write "Straddle This, Ladies!" on your facemask.
And the Number 1 DO and DON’T of Using PPE…

  1. DO: Use anti-bacterial wipes after kissing the President’s ass. (Congress only)
Selected from 88 submissions from 33 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:

  • Slick Sharkey, Clayton, GA — 1, 10 (78th #1)
  • Michael Whitmire, Houston, TX — 2, 14
  • Reid Kerr, Sugartit, KY — 3
  • Dawson Rambo, Santa Rosa, CA — 4
  • Chris White, Olympia, WA — 5, 11, list moderator
  • Danny Gallagher, McKinney, TX — 6
  • Paul Wiley, Westtown, NY — 7
  • Mark Weiss, Austin, TX — 8
  • Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH — 9
  • Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA — 12
  • David G. Scott, Kansas City, MO — 13
  • Kim Moser, New York, NY — 15
  • Peter Casper, Brisbane, Australia — 16
  • Fran Fruit, Winnetka, IL — 16

Previous post:

Next post: