The list for June 10, 2020
The Top 16 DOs and DON’Ts of Using PPE
- DON’T: Wear a white mask after Labor Day.
- DO: Ask your partner to wear a HAZMAT suit while making love.
- DON’T: Wear fishnet stockings for a facemask.
- DO: Wear a Jar Jar Binks Halloween mask to provide protection from all social contact.
- DON’T: Offer your thong to a fellow maskless Walmart shopper.
- DO: Wear a grocery bag over her head like your dates make you wear in bed.
- DON’T: Use an N95 mask as a diaphragm.
- DO: Do a Darth Vader impersonation while wearing a mask to lighten the mood and impress everyone with your unique creativity.
- DON’T: Use an AR-15 instead of a mask, you jackass.
- DO: Clean the inside of your face shield after every 10th sneeze.
- DON’T: Wear a white hood or sheet for protection.
- DO: Change gloves between prostate exam patients.
- DON’T: Lick the… you know what? Don’t lick *anything* for the next 5 years.
- DO: Be a gentleman and remove your mask to give to a lady.
- DON’T: Write "Straddle This, Ladies!" on your facemask.
And the Number 1 DO and DON’T of Using PPE…
- DO: Use anti-bacterial wipes after kissing the President’s ass. (Congress only)
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CREDITS
Selected from 88 submissions from 33 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Slick Sharkey, Clayton, GA — 1, 10 (78th #1)
- Michael Whitmire, Houston, TX — 2, 14
- Reid Kerr, Sugartit, KY — 3
- Dawson Rambo, Santa Rosa, CA — 4
- Chris White, Olympia, WA — 5, 11, list moderator
- Danny Gallagher, McKinney, TX — 6
- Paul Wiley, Westtown, NY — 7
- Mark Weiss, Austin, TX — 8
- Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH — 9
- Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA — 12
- David G. Scott, Kansas City, MO — 13
- Kim Moser, New York, NY — 15
- Peter Casper, Brisbane, Australia — 16
- Fran Fruit, Winnetka, IL — 16
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