Differences Under President Cindy Crawford

The list for July 15, 1997

The Top 16 Differences Under
President Cindy Crawford

War on Drugs joined by War on Dull, Lifeless Hair.
President’s residence now repainted and known as the “Teal House” from Labor Day to Memorial Day.
Even with a Cabinet *full* of Baldwins, still can’t get anyone to watch the State of the Union address.
Paula Jones’s sexual harassment lawsuit gets a LOT more coverage.
Her 10-point “Compact with America” bill will ensure that every citizen is entitled to a non-shiny forehead.
Russia’s deficits soar as Boris Yeltsin outbids the Chinese for a year lease on the Lincoln Bedroom.
“Having a bad hair day” is a viable murder defense.
National meal for Thanksgiving changed from turkey and dressing to parakeet and croutons.
“The Mole” no longer refers to a Soviet spy.
Independent Counsel repeatedly focuses investigations on the President’s dirty laundry.
Bill Clinton now sneaking *in* to White House at 4 a.m.
At start of joint session addresses, sergeant-at-arms now barks “Mr. Speaker, the President of the United States! In a lovely chiffon gown with baby-doll neckline, accented with a breathtaking diamond solitaire pendant!”
Mr. Blackwell becomes FBI director; “worst dressed” lists start popping up in post offices nationwide.
Typical state dinner menu: celery, a rice cake, and Tab.
Citizens finally stop complaining about ridiculously short jogging shorts.

And the Number 1 Difference Under President Cindy Crawford…

Sudden declaration of war on Germany and England eerily coincides with her catfight with Claudia and Naomi.

CREDITS

Selected from 114 submissions from 37 contributors.

Today’s list authors were:

T5071597