Things Overheard in Recent Weeks

The list for April 15, 2020
The Top 16 Things
Overheard in Recent Weeks

  1. "Call it social distancing all you want. The judge and I call it a restraining order."

  2. "You interrupted my game of Fortnight to tell me we’re under quarantine? Stop bothering me with stupid stuff, Mom!"

  3. "Why can’t these Ken Burns documentaries be longer?"

  4. "Honey, come listen to all the birds in the back yard, taunting us with their chirps of freedom."

  5. "Is that a leaky container of Purell in your pants pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"

  6. "I’d give a kidney to sit in a Chuck-e-Cheese."

  7. "Hey, Tiger King, before you watch the next episode can you empty the litter box? There’s something buried there and I don’t think it’s Carole Baskin’s ex."

  8. "Come watch this crazy new sitcom! Uncle Fauci’s getting grouchy with Trumpy the Clown."

  9. "Put the knife down, Grampa!"

  10. "Tired of seeing the same online advertising, over and over? Learn to ignore it in this new Masterclass!"

  11. "After a month of not being touched, I’m kind of looking forward to that colonoscopy."

  12. "Damn, Panda Express no longer delivers live bat soup. Guess we’ll go with the poached pangolin."

  13. "Yeah, now we have a long-distance relationship: She’s living in the upstairs bedroom and I’m living in the basement."

  14. "Why certainly dear, I’d LOVE for you to show me *your* method of loading the dishwasher again."

  15. "Look, honey! Carnival is offering a cruise to Tahiti for $50!"
And the Number 1 Thing Overheard in Recent Weeks…

  1. "For today’s homeschool chemistry class, you’re going to learn how to make a killer Bloody Mary for the teacher."
Selected from 98 submissions from 33 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:

  • Linda Corrigan Landes, Findlay, OH — 1, 5 (25th #1)
  • Bruce W. Alter, Fairfax Station, VA — 2
  • Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA — 3
  • Dawson Rambo, Santa Rosa, CA — 4
  • Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY — 6, 10
  • Mark Schmidt, Paris, France — 7, 13
  • Mark Weiss, Austin, TX — 8
  • Roy Skogstrom, Pepeekeo, HI — 9
  • Jill Gallagher, Seattle, WA — 11
  • Mark D. Sabien, What Cheer, IA — 12
  • Tom Stoudt, Fort Washington, PA — 14
  • Lori Petterson, Fairfax, VA — 15
  • Dave Henry, Slidell, LA — 16
  • Chris White, Olympia, WA — List moderator, Banner Tag

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