Signs Your Translator Is a Fake

The list for December 16, 2013
NOTE FROM CHRIS:
An interpreter used to communicate with hearing-impaired
people at a memorial service held for Nelson Mandela
recently was apparently a fake. The dude was flashing
nonsensical “signing,” leading hearing-impaired actress
Marlee Matlin to say he “looked like a third-base coach.”
The Top 15 Signs Your Translator Is a Fake
  1. You’re fairly certain he’s just doing either the Macarena or the Electric Slide.
  2. Granted, he used a lot of South African slang, but there aren’t too many ways to interpret "and the elephant you rode in on."
  3. Makes every last word in the sentence rhyme with "Nantucket."
  4. He punctuates every sentence of your speech to the Pontifical Council with an "Open the door and see all the people" gesture.
  5. Her "signing" involves sock puppets with clubs.
  6. Her "linguistics accreditation" turns out to be a Liberty University degree in Speaking in Tongues.
  7. Spells out the letters F-U-C-K-Y-O-U rather than just flipping the bird.
  8. There’s a pause after you offer bilateral trade incentives, then Angela Merkel knees your groin.
  9. He’s performing all his hand-signals inside your pants.
  10. It’s hard to tell whether he’s signing your speech, telling the wide receiver to run a slant route, or miming the Kama Sutra.
  11. You don’t know what picking the nose represents, but your pretty sure it’s not good.
  12. Finishes every sentence with the signs for "… in bed."
  13. He claims to speak fluent Klingon —- and to have a girlfriend.
  14. When translated into German, Vice President Biden’s speech sounds lucid and well-researched.
And the Number 1 Signs Your Translator Is a Fake…
  1. Right before your speech, tells you he’s "’Bout to go all gangsta on dis bitch."
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CREDITS
Selected from 78 submissions from 29 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
  • Brandon Eldridge, St. Louis, MO — 1 (3rd #1)
  • Tom Stoudt, Fort Washington, PA — 2
  • Paul Wiley, Westtown, NY — 3, 4, 6 (Hat trick!)
  • David G. Scott, Kansas City, MO — 5, 14
  • Kevin Freels, Walnut Creek, CA — 5
  • Mark D. Sabien, What Cheer, IA — 6
  • David Kass, Queens, NY — 7
  • Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 8, 15
  • Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ — 9
  • Larry Hollister, Concord, CA — 10, 12
  • David W. James, Los Angeles, CA — 11, 15
  • Dawson Rambo, Santa Rosa, CA — 12
  • Jill Gallagher, Seattle, WA — 13
  • John J. Brassil, Nashville, TN — Topic
  • Danny Gallagher, McKinney, TX — Topic
  • Donald Junter, New Haven, CT — Banner Tag
  • Chris White, Olympia, WA — List owner/editor
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