The list for October 21, 2013
The Top 18 Signs Your Boss Is Losing It
- Gives everyone Friday off if they’re willing to work Saturday and Sunday.
- New company policy: Make a typo, do a shot.
- His reserved parking space is now in the hall outside his office, with a Barbie Jeep parked in it.
- "Dammit, Ms. Jones, where are those hookers I requisitioned?"
- "If a shutdown is good enough for the U.S. government, it’s good enough for us!"
- Announces over the intercom, "This year I’ve hidden your holiday bonuses somewhere around the city —- you can have the next three weeks off to find them. Ready, set… GO!"
- This year’s team-building exercise? Gator wrasslin’!
- Rocks back and forth in the fetal position, repeatedly muttering "Glitches… there were bound to be a few glitches…."
- Claims right of droit du seigneur with all the new secretaries.
- Invites the staff to lunch and then serves everything he can find in the break room refrigerator.
- Enjoys her caviar and truffles in the breakroom, to "see how the commoners do it."
- Requests a standard vinyl parachute in his employment contract.
- "Look guys, there’s no ‘I’ in ‘team’ —- but there’s definitely a ‘u’ in ‘fucked’!"
- Insists all requests for vacation days be submitted via PowerPoint presentation.
- Morale soars but productivity plummets on "Casual Sex Friday."
- She demands that each department select two Tributes, one male, one female, for the annual "Performance Review Games."
- The new health plan: "Everyone convert to Christian Scientist or you’re fired."
And the Number 1 Signs Your Boss Is Losing It…
- Just placed a purchase order for an infinite number of typewriters and monkeys.
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CREDITS
Selected from 71 submissions from 26 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL — 1 (26th #1)
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 2
- Nathan C. Sherman, Bellevue, WA — 3
- Donald Johnson, Cincinnati, OH — 4, 9, 10 (Hat trick!)
- Tom Stoudt, Fort Washington, PA — 4, 5
- John J. Brassil, Nashville, TN — 4, 16
- Brad Hamer, Austin, TX — 4
- Shaune R. Stark, Cedar Park, TX — 6, 11
- Caryn Kennealy, Glendale, CA — 7
- Glenn Marcus, Washington, DC — 7
- Adela Branson, Soda Springs, ID — 8
- Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA — 12
- Mark D. Sabien, What Cheer, IA — 13
- Kim Moser, New York, NY — 14
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ — 15
- Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA — 17
- Judith Cottrill, Bronx, NY — 18
- Donald Junter, New Haven, CT — Banner Tag
- Chris White, Olympia, WA — List owner/editor
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