Signs Your Boss Is Losing It

The list for October 21, 2013
The Top 18 Signs Your Boss Is Losing It

  1. Gives everyone Friday off if they’re willing to work Saturday and Sunday.

  2. New company policy: Make a typo, do a shot.

  3. His reserved parking space is now in the hall outside his office, with a Barbie Jeep parked in it.

  4. "Dammit, Ms. Jones, where are those hookers I requisitioned?"

  5. "If a shutdown is good enough for the U.S. government, it’s good enough for us!"

  6. Announces over the intercom, "This year I’ve hidden your holiday bonuses somewhere around the city —- you can have the next three weeks off to find them. Ready, set… GO!"

  7. This year’s team-building exercise? Gator wrasslin’!

  8. Rocks back and forth in the fetal position, repeatedly muttering "Glitches… there were bound to be a few glitches…."

  9. Claims right of droit du seigneur with all the new secretaries.

  10. Invites the staff to lunch and then serves everything he can find in the break room refrigerator.

  11. Enjoys her caviar and truffles in the breakroom, to "see how the commoners do it."

  12. Requests a standard vinyl parachute in his employment contract.

  13. "Look guys, there’s no ‘I’ in ‘team’ —- but there’s definitely a ‘u’ in ‘fucked’!"

  14. Insists all requests for vacation days be submitted via PowerPoint presentation.

  15. Morale soars but productivity plummets on "Casual Sex Friday."

  16. She demands that each department select two Tributes, one male, one female, for the annual "Performance Review Games."

  17. The new health plan: "Everyone convert to Christian Scientist or you’re fired."
And the Number 1 Signs Your Boss Is Losing It…

  1. Just placed a purchase order for an infinite number of typewriters and monkeys.
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CREDITS
Selected from 71 submissions from 26 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:

  • Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL — 1 (26th #1)
  • Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 2
  • Nathan C. Sherman, Bellevue, WA — 3
  • Donald Johnson, Cincinnati, OH — 4, 9, 10 (Hat trick!)
  • Tom Stoudt, Fort Washington, PA — 4, 5
  • John J. Brassil, Nashville, TN — 4, 16
  • Brad Hamer, Austin, TX — 4
  • Shaune R. Stark, Cedar Park, TX — 6, 11
  • Caryn Kennealy, Glendale, CA — 7
  • Glenn Marcus, Washington, DC — 7
  • Adela Branson, Soda Springs, ID — 8
  • Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA — 12
  • Mark D. Sabien, What Cheer, IA — 13
  • Kim Moser, New York, NY — 14
  • Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ — 15
  • Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA — 17
  • Judith Cottrill, Bronx, NY — 18
  • Donald Junter, New Haven, CT — Banner Tag
  • Chris White, Olympia, WA — List owner/editor
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