The list for October 25, 2013
The Top 15 Signs You Hired the Wrong Babysitter
(Part II)
(Part II)
- Asks you and your husband if she can get paid in threesomes.
- Says she’ll need to use your phone to check in with her parole officer every hour.
- Asks where you keep the cans of Cootie repellant.
- "Trust me. I worked for a veterinarian —- I know how to get the little ones to sleep."
- Claims she’s on a recruiting mission for Angelina Jolie.
- LaQuisha doesn’t seem to be impressed by your Grand Dragon attire.
- "So, like, how many smokes can the little shits have after dinner?"
- Says she charges $20 an hour for babysitting, but "a Benjamin plus tip for face-sitting."
- Ask to film your wife breastfeeding so he can "study Junior’s eating habits."
- Baby’s pacifiers have all disappeared and the sitter is sporting some gigantic nipples.
- Diapers the dog and lets the baby crap on the neighbor’s lawn.
- Nervously checks each room, then asks, "Chris Hanson isn’t around, is he?"
- "First things first: Where are the children’s leg irons?"
- Tells you the breast milk you expressed so you could finally get a night out tastes like crap on Froot Loops.
And the Number 1 Sign You Hired the Wrong Babysitter…
- Always shows up with her pet dingo.
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CREDITS
Selected from 93 submissions from 33 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Jeff Johnson, Los Altos, CA — 1 (9th #1)
- Roy Skogstrom, Pepeekeo, HI — 2
- David Zechiel, Lake Forest, CA — 3
- Stephanie Landes, Findlay, OH — 4
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ — 5
- Jill Gallagher, Seattle, WA — 6, Topic
- Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH — 7
- Shaune R. Stark, Cedar Park, TX — 8
- Paul Wiley, Westtown, NY — 9
- Rex Meredith, Palm Springs, CA — 10
- Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA — 11
- Matt Kall, Solon, OH — 12
- Mark D. Sabien, What Cheer, IA — 13, 15
- SarahJayne Bennett, London, England — 14
- Donald Junter, New Haven, CT — Banner Tag
- Chris White, Olympia, WA — List owner/editor
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