Signs Staying at Home Is Making Your Kids Crazy

The list for April 17, 2020
The Top 16 Signs Staying at Home
Is Making Your Kids Crazy

  1. Johnny’s pillow fort is now seven stories high with a moat and a dungeon.

  2. Your 2nd-grader is writing a report on Stockholm Syndrome.

  3. Two teenage boys tired of masturbating? You do the math.

  4. Threw out their Chinese Checkers after the White House briefing, just in case.

  5. "Broccoli! I want broccoli! Moo-oo-om! Why can’t I have brooooccoliiii?!?"

  6. The 7-year-old has taught the 5-year-old to projectile vomit.

  7. The twins have figured out how to make Alexa cry.

  8. Kayla keeps stepping on LEGOs barefoot "just want to feel something."

  9. Invokes his sovereign citizenship to avoid room-cleaning duty.

  10. He sits, barely moving, staring like he’s in a catatonic state. And he’s NOT playing Fortnite.

  11. They keep asking when "The Dr. Fauci Show" comes on.

  12. The dog is wearing eight coats of finger paint, the hamster has dreadlocks, and they’ve somehow managed to sew the cats into a coat for Grandma.

  13. "Mom, I’m 71 years old with COVID-19. Can I *please* wear the crown?"

  14. Since running out of Elmer’s, her macaroni art is held together by feces.

  15. Little Bobby has made bump stocks for his Nerf gun.
And the Number 1 Sign Staying at Home Is Making Your Kids Crazy…

  1. Tea parties with dolls are now serving Cuervo Gold and Lucky Strikes.
Selected from 99 submissions from 34 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:

  • Michael Whitmire, Houston, TX — 1 (24th #1)
  • Mark Zinck, Grand Rapids, MI — 2, 5
  • Donald Johnson, Cincinnati, OH — 3
  • Peter Casper, Brisbane, Australia — 4
  • Dawson Rambo, Santa Rosa, CA — 5
  • Mark Weiss, Austin, TX — 5
  • Whit Watson, Winter Park, FL — 6
  • Jeremy Shelley, Possum Trot, KY — 7
  • Kim Moser, New York, NY — 8
  • Danny Gallagher, McKinney, TX — 9
  • Fran Fruit, Winnetka, IL — 10, 12
  • Doug Johnson, Santa Cruz, CA — 11
  • Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA — 13
  • Jill Gallagher, Seattle, WA — 14
  • Vic Vitek, Hopewell Junction, NY — 15
  • David G. Scott, Kansas City, MO — 16
  • Chris White, Olympia, WA — 16, List moderator

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