Items on Capitol Stormers’ To-Do Lists

The list for January 8, 2021
The Top 20 Items on
Capitol Stormers’ To-Do Lists

  1. Storm Avis and get them to Stop The Count on this rental agreement.

  2. Check eBay for bids on the "Pelosi’s desktop knick-knacks" collection.

  3. Fold up a libtard and stick him in one of fancy those electoral vote boxes.

  4. Hand-wash confederate flag bra in Woolite.

  5. Get the Proud Boys to whip up some of those delicious sandwiches they’re famous for.

  6. Comb Viking hat, because no one takes a poorly groomed insurrectionist seriously.

  7. Check if Jodie Foster is impressed.

  8. Back to writing dissertation on Bolivian Political Stability.

  9. Post more memes about those lawless BLM thugs.

  10. Demand to be crowned prom king; that election was stolen from me back in 1992!

  11. Raise bail money by selling "I survived the failed insurgence" T-shirts.

  12. Text Mom to make sure no Feds are snooping around the basement.

  13. Call that hot Congresswoman you saw in the hall to ask if she noticed the spark between you while she was running for her life.

  14. Choose camo pants that work both Senate and House Chambers.

  15. Swipe a tube of Lotrimin from Ted Cruz’s desk drawer.

  16. Draw a Hitler mustach on the George Washington portrait, see if anyone notices.

  17. Beef up the suspension on the General Lee so that it can climb the steps.

  18. Figure out how to dub Fleetwood Mac song onto a TikTok of me getting teargassed.

  19. Hallmark Channel movie marathon to reconnect with my feminine side.
And the Number 1 Item on Capitol Stormers’ To-Do Lists…

  1. Have my scrotum tattooed with the American flag, and my testicles removed so it can patriotically flap in the breeze.

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CREDITS
Selected from 112 submissions from 40 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:

  • Roy Skogstrom, Pepeekeo, HI — 1 (20th #1)
  • Tom Stoudt, Fort Washington, PA — 2
  • Michael Whitmire, Houston, TX — 3
  • Peter Casper, Brisbane, Australia — 4
  • Nathan C. Sherman, Bellevue, WA — 5
  • Richie Ruben, Hackensack, NJ — 5
  • Mike Vance, Houston, TX — 6
  • Lee Oeth, San Diego, CA — 7
  • Kim Moser, New York, NY — 8
  • Jill Gallagher, Seattle, WA — 9
  • Kathleen Walder, Stow, OH — 10
  • Lori Petterson, Fairfax, VA — 11
  • Larry Hollister, Concord, CA — 12, 19
  • David E. Spiro, New York, NY — 13
  • Donald Johnson, Cincinnati, OH — 14
  • Danny Gallagher, McKinney, TX — 15
  • Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 16
  • Chris White, Olympia, WA — 17, list moderator
  • Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA — 18
  • Fran Fruit, Winnetka, IL — 19
  • Dave Henry, Slidell, LA — 19
  • Martin Bredeck, Hybla Valley, VA — 19, 20
  • Steve Hurd, Oakland, CA — Topic
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