Frosty the Snowman Complaints

The list for December 13, 2013
The Top 20 Frosty the Snowman Complaints
  1. Two words: Global warming
  2. Never seems to get a corncob pipe from Colorado.
  3. Without legs, you’re a sitting duck if that Zimmerman guy comes snooping around.
  4. Picking up hot chicks is life threatening.
  5. "What? ANOTHER mother@#$%ing Wendy’s gift certificate?!"
  6. Perpetual blueballs.
  7. Top hats are so frigging boring. Why not a magical jaunty beret?
  8. The never-ending onslaught of "snow balls" jokes.
  9. His apparel? Totally gay.
  10. Really REALLY hates the smell of carrots.
  11. That Calvin is a sadistic little fella.
  12. I swear, it’s only small because it’s so cold.
  13. Of course I dance around. But those snotty Dancing With the Stars people are all "We’ll be in touch."
  14. Total lack of racial diversity among his people.
  15. Glaucoalma
  16. Every year, some bratty kid makes a "tail" by removing his nose and shoving it up his butt.
  17. Mrs. Frosty? Frigid.
  18. Thanks to the old silk hat and corncob pipe, everybody thinks I’m a hipster.
  19. "Obamacare" doesn’t cover melting.
And the Number 1 Frosty the Snowman Complaint…
  1. There’s never a snowblower around when you’re in the mood.
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CREDITS
Selected from 88 submissions from 33 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
  • Richard Skora, Columbus, OH — 1, 10 (34th #1)
  • Jeremy Shelley, Possum Trot, KY — 1, 20 (17th #1)
  • Jill Gallagher, Seattle, WA — 1 (23rd #1)
  • Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA — 2, 14
  • Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH — 3
  • Donald Johnson, Cincinnati, OH — 4, 13
  • Peter Bauer, Rochester, NY — 4, 15
  • Kim Moser, New York, NY — 4, 15
  • Paul Wiley, Westtown, NY — 4, 20
  • Brandon Eldridge, St. Louis, MO — 4
  • Kevin Freels, Walnut Creek, CA — 4
  • Tom Stoudt, Fort Washington, PA — 4
  • Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA — 5, 17
  • Bryan Wendeln, Raleigh, NC — 6
  • Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 7, 9
  • Mark Weiss, Austin, TX — 7, 10
  • David G. Scott, Kansas City, MO — 8, 14
  • Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ — 11
  • David Kass, Queens, NY — 12
  • Dawson Rambo, Santa Rosa, CA — 13
  • Jeffrey Anbinder, New York, NY — 16
  • Larry Hollister, Concord, CA — 18
  • Adela Branson, Soda Springs, ID — 19
  • Kevin Dopart, Washington, DC — 19
  • David Zechiel, Lake Forest, CA — 19, 20
  • Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL — 20
  • Donald Junter, New Haven, CT — Banner Tag
  • Chris White, Olympia, WA — List owner/editor
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