Differences in Live Sports Events Without Fans

The list for May 18, 2020
With large gatherings not allowed by law for now,
professional leagues are discussing holding games
with nobody in attendance except players, coaches,
and the minimum TV crew needed to broadcast them.
The Top 14 Differences in Live
Sports Events Without Fans

  1. Due to budget cuts, batters must retrieve their own foul balls.

  2. With no crowd noise, sideline microphones pick up snoring from New York Knicks’ assistant coaches.

  3. New penalty: Fifteen yards for unsportsmanlike sneezing.

  4. Philadelphia athletes forced to throw batteries at opponents themselves.

  5. Instead of the penalty box, offending hockey players now told to sit wherever the hell they want.

  6. Televised "halftime show" is just TikTok videos.

  7. To get that authentic fan experience, you ask your wife to spill beer down your back.

  8. On the Kiss Cam: Derek the Groundskeeper and his favorite rake.

  9. Alarming 85% increase in unemployment claims from people who were getting paid to tell Spike Lee to sit down and shut up.

  10. Fenway Park will need to hire airplane banners to racially harrass opponents.

  11. Pre-recorded booing played through PA system at Astros road games.

  12. Now it’s your wife who charges you $18 for a warm beer and a cold hot dog.

  13. The wave? At least THAT curve has been flattened.
And the Number 1 Difference in Sporting Events Without Fans…

  1. Refs go the entire game completely unaware that they suck.
Selected from 83 submissions from 30 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:

  • Slick Sharkey, Clayton, GA — 1 (77th #1)
  • Larry Hollister, Concord, CA — 2, 8
  • Vic Vitek, Hopewell Junction, NY — 3
  • Paul Wiley, Westtown, NY — 3
  • Chris White, Olympia, WA — 4, list moderator
  • Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH — 5
  • Jeffrey Anbinder, Brooklyn, NY — 6
  • Greg Preece, Toronto, Canada — 7
  • Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA — 8
  • Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA — 9
  • Whit Watson, Winter Park, FL — 10, 11
  • Jeremy Shelley, Possum Trot, KY — 11
  • Tom Stoudt, Fort Washington, PA — 11, 14
  • Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA — 12
  • Michael Whitmire, Houston, TX — 13, topic
  • Reid Kerr, Sugartit, KY — 14
  • Jill Gallagher, Seattle, WA — Topic

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